The last month has been a struggle! December 4th will mark two months post op and MANY times over the past month I have regretted the surgery.
When I went to my one month check the surgeon had talked to me about my liver biopsy and said that my liver was really inflamed during surgery. It went on saying that there was no real damage to my liver that could not be repaired through diet and exercise and that I had basically had the surgery in time - it was heading in the wrong direction and it would have only been a matter of time before liver disease was imminent.
Through this whole process I have learned a lot about my body. I have learned a lot about food. I have learned a lot about the lies that manufacturers and restaurants tell consumers about food. It makes me sad that they don't educate us more as we are growing up in this respect. I've been so disgusted at how many "healthy" options are loaded with sugars, sugar alcohols and hidden ingredients that are toxic to our bodies. We are set to fail right out of the gate.
I've been sick a lot the last month or so. I was released to full foods at my one month check up and the discovery process has begun. I am trying foods and slowly trying to reintroduce them to my body. This is not a fun process. I thought I would be excited for this part, but I never considered that I would be spending so much time vomiting and feeling terrible. If my body doesn't like something, it expels it almost immediately. There is pressure, burping, pain... and ultimately it comes out.
I hear from a lot of people that this will go away and I will miss the alert system when my body doesn't want something... but I have little hope at this point. I forget to eat sometimes. It is a real struggle. I mean how many times you got to burn your hand before you know the stove is hot? Getting sick makes you want nothing. I get this nervous feeling in the pit of my tummy and a ton of anxiety just thinking about food.
Don't get me wrong, there are so many things that sound good to eat. A few times now I have wanted something with bacon in the recipe. It looks good, it smells good, it tastes good. I throw it up. I think in my head, maybe it's too greasy... now every time I even think about bacon I feel sick to my stomach. For the love of God... bacon!
I cooked a huge thanksgiving day meal for my family. I adjusted recipes to make them healthy and everything turned out really good. I ate 4 bites. 4 teeny tiny bites and I felt like I was going to die. I had yogurt a few hours later and cried.
I am not taking enough in.
I'm exhausted.
I can get in some where between 1500 and 3000 steps a day before I am destroyed. I tank out. Within moments I am fast asleep and my body is revolting.
Am I losing weight? sure! I've lost 50+ pounds to date and I am not even a full two months out. I'm scared to death I am going to lose my teeth and my hair. My skin is overly dry and no lotions really seem to work.
My iron was low at my last visit and I need to eat more leafy greens and red meat... I only have a month before I have to go back and I need to have that level up so I don't get yet another pill to add to my collection.
I am so stressed out all of the time and I have no patience for anything.
I am grateful that the pain in my side is gone and that I am able to sleep in my own bed. I just wish that I could fast forward a little bit and get on to where I eat things and I don't feel like the exorcist!
My cousin brought her baby over sick a few days ago - so on top of everything else I am dealing with a sinus infection and the antibiotics tear my stomach up. Yay! I hate people. They only think about themselves.
