I am green

I see you wrapped up in your whirl of love and I envy you...
stop and see me there I am the girl sitting alone in the distance in despair
wanting to be like you
painfully watching
wishing I knew
what it felt like to dance in the shine of my lovers fixated gaze
and be beautiful
if only to him
I don't blame you
I wouldn't notice me either
ahh to be in love
in bliss
something for me that has always seemed hit and miss
though I have longed for it with the ache of a thousand salt-soaked sores
with a churning in my soul that seems ceaseless
tiresome
a chore,
painting a smile 
and wiping away the tears each morning
I face the day and pretend
that it fits in my life
this finale
this end
this hallow emptiness
the shuddering cold of alone
laying in the night with no hand to hold
half can never be whole
it will always be less
and it misses the pieces that sought refuge in his chest
I cluttered his heart
and for that I am sorry
but cleaning me out and moving on leaves me so melancholy
broken and battered
with a heart that is shattered
finding it hard to delight in even the light of the star-filled night
I am the wilted flower in the vase on his table
the comfortable shoe he can bare no longer to wear
the ring of the phone on an empty street
the whistle of the wind that chatters your teeth
the envious
hateful
bitter
cynical girl
who once was just like that beautiful duo
who shone and sparkled
and passed others without notice
who gleeful laughed and boasted my moments
what irony
what iron rue
that hopelessly I stare
barren
mournful almost
without a clue
and in the moment that you pass...
dying just a little
to have it all back.