Child Discipline

1-15-12
I really hate having to punish my children. I feel bad for everything that I ever made my Mother have to discipline me for when I have to punish my children. As I am speaking to them about what they have done wrong I flash in my mind and for an instant I am in their shoes and it is my Mother talking to me. I know what they are feeling when I am talking to them and how upset they are with me that they have been busted and cannot just do as they wish.
I often times tell them how my Mother's punishment would have been much more severe if I would have committed this infraction. I wonder why that is. I mean do we over time build a tolerance to behaviors and begin not to care as much if this happens to us? For example... if I rolled my eyes when my Mother would have told me to do something she would have busted me upside my head. My child rolls his eyes and I tell him how my mother would have hit me and I instead make him write sentences about eye-rolling and being rude to his mother. Yet I am no less slighted than I'm sure my mother felt when I rolled my eyes at her. I am rarely physical when it comes to punishing my children. There is much more bark than bite and I often wonder if that is to blame for some of their behavior. My children have been paddled a few times in their lives. For things that would cause physical harm to them or to another. For example : walking in the road. I mean I would much rather paddle my son then see him splattered on the road.
Am I weak?
I mean it guts me to hit my children in any type of way. I cannot stand to hear them whine or cry. It has been this way since they were born. I like a calm environment. I try to give them a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. The rules in my house are clearly outlined and they know what I expect of them and at 5 & 7 they know what the consequences are by now. We take away the toys they like best. They get time outs or tv rights taken away. No sweets. Writing sentences. Early Bedtime. Yet sometimes I feel like I am talking to a brick wall and that I am not getting through to them at all.
I believe a lot of behavior can be avoided by simply engaging the children in a positive way. Playing games with them, reading books to the,, coloring, play-doh... I like to involve them as much as possible in the things that I am doing too, like cooking dinner and cleaning. It helps some - but it not always the easiest thing to do. I mean to say that sometimes it is just easier to complete the task on your own - due to time constraints.
It's weird because most people that meet my children as of late comment to me that they are extremely well behaved and that they find them to be very loving and respectful! It puffs my chest with a bit of pride, and I guess that I am grateful that they are doing this in public, there has surely been times that they haven't and I know what it is like at home. But that is it isn't it? I mean the goal is to have them function well in society and prepare them for the multitude of rules that they will have to follow in everyday life as an adult, right?
I am assured by many of my older relatives that it is a mother's lot in life to always wonder if she is doing a good enough job or not. To always feel like we are failing them in a sense so that perhaps we continue to strive harder to do a better job and think of new innovative ideas.
All in all I want my children to love me. I want them to feel safe and know that I care and not think of me as some kind of ogre. I remember how I felt every time that I got spanked. How I hated the person spanking me to point that I could barely remember what I had done wrong to begin with. In fact looking back now I cannot recall on single incident that I was spanked for - just being spanked. Also, I don't recall making a conscience choice to not do this behavior again but rather learned to be more sneaky about it and not let my parents know what I was up to.
I want my children to make mistakes. I want them to learn now why the choices they are making are wrong and grow the desire to make good choices. I want to be there for them to help them understand why the way I am pointing them is right and not suffer through the mistakes that I have made.
My children are sitting at the table now, writing sentences for rule breaking that has been on-going since they woke up this morning. UGH! It's been a long Sunday morning. They are griping about writing them and how annoying each other is at a mild roar. I am sitting here wishing that they would just finish them so we can bake some cookies together.
Enough of my rambling, I am going to see if my paper has arrived.