There is something oddly satisfying about having the kitchen completely clean before I go to bed. If it were up to me it would be the entire house; but it just hasn't been that type of day... hell it hasn't been that type of week.
I've felt a little pulled apart heading through this week with a hefty agenda that requires marksmen execution - but it's over halfway through and I am plucking right along.
Any other week I would have welcomed a distraction; begged for some dramatics to bust off the monotony... but it of course chose to hit me like a tidal wave THIS week instead.
I've always prided myself of those weird string of events happening that no one would believe unless they were right there and witnessed it themselves ... but even after years of these instances, I am still quite uncertain as to why they happen.
An ex-boyfriend popped up this week out of the blue and messaged me on social media. He produced the familiar repertoire that I have had dealt to me many times before by others that I have cast from my life. Long story short, he found himself among iniquity... a low point in life that caused him to reflect and he felt regret and somehow prized me above the others. Professing apologies that absolved me of any prior stain he had claimed to my character and thinking himself to be nonchalantly tip toeing his way back into my graces. (sigh)
On one hand it's wonderful to have the vindication; but I've never really been the one to drift backwards. I listen to his story and I feel bad. There's a tired look about him now... older... worn... defeated... tired and I try to search beneath it for the him that I knew... it's not hard to find the things that I didn't like about him looming beneath the surface.... fighting to show their face. Still I can't want bad for him. I extend my forgiveness, because it's the right thing to do and I am all about having peace... but Part of me worries that it will end up being a thing that brings me grief if I'm not careful.
My oldest son turned 14 this week and for the first time that I can recall I let him stay home from school on his birthday. It was nice to spend the day with him and see him relax a bit and be so carefree. We joked and laughed and i got to see his smile a lot. We had a nice lunch together at Bravo and I took him to buy the sneakers that he's been wanting. (Labron 15's in Cavs colors). We closed his birthday out tonight with a homemade lemon pudding cake with lemon buttercream frosting (his request) and some oreo ice cream. Tomorrow we will celebrate his triumphs for the wrestling season and I will sit her and wish he was small again - so we could do it all over. He will never really know the infinite love that I have for him.
More winter snow although I keep hoping for spring. I'm interested to see if the children have school tomorrow.
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