Deadbeat Dad's suck!

It never ceases to amaze me, the multitudes of deadbeat parents in the world today, oh you know the self-righteous fuckheads that roam the planet thinking that they piss ass pocket change they are required to pay for support of their children is the equivalent of cutting off a testicle. Worse yet they delight in the fact that they find ways around paying it..grr
My kids' father is a fucking jackass!! i dream about mutilating him and things much worse he makes me so raving mad. He is a degenerate and should be extinguished from the planet! FUCKING LOSER!
He stayed with my children today so that I could run some necessary errands and had the nerve to ask me for gas money, ugh... I gave him five dollars reluctantly and he complained and told me that I was 40$ short - I am like are u fucking smoking crack? I am gonna give you $45 for gas and spending time with your children when I haven't recieved more than 5$ of child support in the last two or three months? I seriously wanted to slay him at that very moment.
This jerk shouldn't even be allowed to suck air from the same planet as me - yet he musters the breath to say to me some of the most awefull things that I have ever heard. He demeans me as a parent and as a human in general - he trashes my house and expect me to clean up after him and feed him and now fucking pay him? for what??? OMG I fucking hate him!!!!!!!!
I get so angry that I can't even hear but every few words through the raging thoughts of decapatation that swarm my mind - I want to cut his head from his shoulders with a goddamn butter knife - but that would be even more of a mess to clean up -
I have been gone for most of the afternoon today and it looks like there was a fucking party in my house - how the fuck does he dirty ALL of the dishes and ransack the house in such a short amout of time
I am going out of my mind
He wouldn't do this shit to me if there was someone else here - but he knows it is just me and he presses the limits.
For every mess that I clean up, for every word that he said that replays in my mind - a furious rage and unbridled wrath permeates my entire being. I tell him to leave and never come back here - then flashes the tears in my children's eyes.. they love his dumb, inconsistent ass and I fear more than anything that they are going to grow up to be like him  - if I don't find a positive role model for them to emulate soon. It is a desperate and hopeless feeling doing this all by myself each day everyday and having no one to lean on when times get tough
What is wrong with me - I begin to find myself listening to the things that he says about me and believing some of them. I find myself seeking all too often validation from everyone that those things are not true, that I am a good mother, and I am smart and nice and wholly good, that I DO matter, and I am not ugly... how can i listen to him and why does it bother me these things that he says?
ARGHHHHHH!!!